Tayla: How I balance CF and relationships

By Tayla Purves

It can be difficult to create both platonic and romantic relationships when you have CF. 

For me, I have always been upfront, which has resulted in some amazing and understanding friends. Romantically, it’s gotten me ghosted and pitied… they’re not the people I want anyway. 

CF is baggage, we’re all aware of it. There’s an entire scary rollercoaster that people get second thoughts about, and believe me, I do too. I think being authentically you is always important in any relationship. People who are meant for me and who are good for me will be there no matter what, and not see you as your illness. 

I’ve been, “the girl with CF,” the one that acquaintances only speak to about CF when they see you, and the one that doesn’t get spoken to because people aren’t sure what to say. All of that is okay. Sure, the second one where they only talk about your illness as common ground sucks, because I think we can all agree, we are more than our CF. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy enlightening and sharing, helping people understand, or answering specific questions, but sometimes it’s slightly discouraging. 

When I meet people and bring up CF, I can get a look of pity, disinterest, or genuine care. That last one usually entails stronger friendship, with those people making jokes with me and overlooking that to see the rest of me too. 

I totally get the stress of having a friend with a chronic illness. I’ve had friends growing up who didn’t understand that being sick meant that I would get sick and be in hospital as a result – that also includes some family. It’s only natural, I guess, to not understand how that can impact a person so much. 

The fear of getting sick and having an admission, losing lung function percentage, and the lung scarring… that wasn’t appealing, and I’d get so emotional when trying to explain it; I knew I’d lose the friends I loved if they didn’t understand, and the fear I had over getting sick only added fuel to the fire. 

Most friends I’ve had have been incredible, understanding if they’re sick, they put me at risk. During the pandemic, they were even more cautious and made sure that I was comfortable with whatever contact we had. I was super lucky to have that experience. 

Now, about the romantic relationship stuff… cystic fibrosis tends to scare boys away, which is great if I’m not interested in chatting to someone – drop the CF bomb and they run (it’s funnier if I say this line in person). I get it; it’s a huge acceptance and an incredible commitment to be with someone if they have an illness/disability like CF – we are all so different, so our realities vary. 

Many people I’ve spoken to will go and research it afterwards. After the film, “Five Feet Apart,” came out, I received a phone call from a schoolmate who wanted to check up on me – the sweetest thing ever. We hardly spoke, apart from maybe once every now and then in a class we had together, but it struck me that people actually cared about me and the things I faced. I never really gave CF a thought, so I didn’t believe other people would too, or care all that much. 

What I have learned for navigating any type of relationship is to be upfront. Be incredible like you are, but don’t be afraid to share about CF and how it impacts you – if they ghost you or are super uninterested, they’re obviously not the person you want in your life. A hard pill to swallow, but the easiest step to abolishing that anxiety of meeting new people. 

For me, embracing and being honest about cystic fibrosis is and always will be my first step to a friendship or romantic relationship. It’s a big part of my life, and if someone wants to jump on board with the random crap I get handed, they’ll be sure to stick it out with me. 

To my friends and family who are on this wild ride with me, thank you for being in my corner. I am so grateful I have my people and that they’re so cool with the me they laugh with, and the me with CF that does get sick every now and then.